pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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