In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Sober January is a disaster.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
