Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
