i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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