See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router