omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.