Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts