i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"