I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.