when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf