I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
