Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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