I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
