Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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