He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
