No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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