Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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