You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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