He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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