CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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