watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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