I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
