OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
