i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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