Your mouth is God's brothel.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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