No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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