My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
