so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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