I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
