We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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