watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
