My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize