when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
