guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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