the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Randomize
