it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
