Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
