You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
