I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize