Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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