Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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