I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
