Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
