Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
