Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
