Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
