Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
