So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
