But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
