I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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