You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
