i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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