You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
