Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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