Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
