i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
A bitchslap is in order.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
