I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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