Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
