I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize