I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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