R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
