nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
