I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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