she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
