remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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