she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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