Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
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Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize