if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
